Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
