i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
