fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think your dad took our porno
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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