is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
