Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
