I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Someone came in the potted fern
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
