your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
