It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
