I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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