she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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