It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
