I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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