He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
