so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Found the puke drawer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
