I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
