The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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