remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
