it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
