we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
