I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
