sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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