O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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