ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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