I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
