He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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