i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
