am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
