my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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