Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
