I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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