it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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