She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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