i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
