i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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