took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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