Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
