you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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