i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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