Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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