he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
