After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
