So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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