what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
