took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
