Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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