Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
