put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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