I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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