hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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