erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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