the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
