oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
