Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
