Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
