Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
