I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
