No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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