He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
