I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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